Welcome, everyone. My name is Cantor David Fair and it is my honor to be here to  guide us all through this ceremony of joining two souls together as one, the wedding of Jane  and Miriam. Today’s ceremony honors the fact that the souls of Jane and Miriam are being  united in a holy and sacred union, and that union that is called marriage. Why does anyone  want to be married? You don’t need to be married to live together, buy a home together, or even to have children. So why does anyone get married? The reason is, we want to belong to  someone. We want to be accountable to someone. We want someone to know that they are  our person and we want the entire community to hold us accountable to that. We want  everyone who means something to us to bear witness to our love! And not only do we want our closest friends and family to see this, but we want God to see this.  

I welcome you with the prayer, “Baruch Habah,” which translates to: “Welcome, everyone, to a place of God’s abode.” Mi Adir: “May the one who is mighty above all, send blessings on this couple.”  

[Sing Baruch Habah by Lawrence Avery] 

You two have had an intense journey—an unconventional and beautiful journey. In the  book “Song of Songs,” it reads, “Set me as a seal upon thy heart.” Jane and Miriam, we are now setting this seal. This ceremony seals your relationship as a holy union, not just before your friends and family, but before God. 

You’re getting married just a few weeks before the holiday of Chanukah. The story of  Chanukah is about taking a stand and fighting against impossible odds. It’s a story of faith in God, and most of all, a story of miracles. That’s not dissimilar to your story.  

Your story is one of bravery and conviction. Jane, this ceremony puts a seal on the fact  that you are now living the life you are supposed to lead. Years ago, you took a chance. You  took a risk. Sometime after we met one year ago, you told me that you said to God, “The way I am is the way You made me—and You do not make mistakes.” You hadn’t yet met Miriam, but you knew you needed to make a change in your life that could possibly have dire results. It took  bravery and it took guts, but you made that change—and that change led you to Miriam.  

Jane, you also told me that you worried about how your daughters would deal with you being a lesbian and a single mom. Our philosopher Hillel said, “Im ein ani li mi li” “If I am not for  myself, who will be for me?” You showed your daughters as a woman in 2019, their happiness  matters! Living as your truest selves matters! You showed your daughters that love for oneself is a virtue. You are a woman of valor. Your courage will have reverberations for more time than  you even know. 

Miriam, your journey to finding Jane has been equally courageous. It wasn’t simply a  woman meets woman story and off to the nuptials. You met a woman who didn’t have it all figured out. You exhibited incredible understanding and empathy knowing that Jane already  had two young daughters. Jane, Miriam speaks of how she was amazed at how accepting and  kind you were, stepping into a complicated situation. It wasn’t easy at first. New transitions  never are. But Miriam, your love for Jane carried you through. You followed your heart. You believed in your love.

You met at a conference, as you both are teachers. Although you have had very different life  stories and paths to where you are now, what I’m stuck by is how similar you two really are. I’ve been touched at how you seem to have the same values. You have supported each other  through the rough times, and you’ve lifted each other through the terrific times. Also, you both believe in tradition. Your daughters are excited that the chuppah will be made of their tallitot  and that they are here holding two of the poles of the chuppah. You’re both involved with your Jewish community and you’ve both expressed that you feel strongly about celebrating this  ritual of Kiddushin. You asked that I chant the traditional seven b’rachot, and you created your own ceremony of shutafut around the exchange of rings. We discussed that you feel a commitment to equality and shared responsibilities. Lastly, you will be using rings that have  been in your families for generations. In fact, the pouch for the rings has been made out of Jane’s grandmother’s wedding veil. 

What does marriage actually mean? Why get married? I asked you this question when I  first met you two. In your answer, you said that by getting married, you are making a  commitment to each other. I’ve been struck by how supportive you two are of each other.  Marriage is about letting the world know that you two will spend the rest of your lives being in each other’s corners; being on each other’s sides, and being a source of support when you need  it. Legally, you are responsible for one another. You’ll make decisions not simply for yourselves,  but as a team. Your lives will be joined.  

In the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 11, verse 9, Kohelet says, “O youth, enjoy yourself  while you are young! Let your heart lead you to enjoyment in the days of your youth. Follow the desires of your heart and the glances of your eyes… For youth and black hair are fleeting. So  appreciate your vigor in the days of your youth…” These are the days of your youth. Enjoy every  living moment. Live in this moment. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t promised. Now is the  time to live. Love today and love each other. Be good to each other. God looks down on you two today and says, “This is good.” You two honor God with your love. Go live your lives. 

[Sing “Pitchi Li” by Benjie Schiller] 

Our tradition says that before marriage, the two people walk two different paths. But when they marry, their paths join, and together, they create a new path. The ancient Jewish mystics  would say that their souls become intertwined and are bonded together.

This begins the part of the wedding ceremony known as the Sheva B’rachot – The Seven Blessings, which comes from  ancient teachings. The blessings focus on joy, celebration, and the power of love. 

[Sheva B’rachot]

[Exchange of rings.] 

These rings in their unbroken wholeness are tokens of your union and of your love. They  represent the enduring trust and affection that you bring to one another, and are the outward  and visible symbols of an inner spiritual bond.

Jane, please take Miriam’s ring and repeat  after me: With this ring/ I join my life with yours/  in loving kindness/compassion and trust.

[Place the ring.] 

Miriam, please take Jane’s ring and repeat  after me: With this ring/ I join my life with yours/  in loving kindness/compassion and trust.

[Place the ring.]

And now, by the power invested in me by the City of New York, I now pronounce you married.  You may now kiss your wife. 

[Stomp on the glass.]